HINDSIGHT, TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME

Hello on a Thursday morning,

It's 7:32 am, and here I am, lounging on the front porch, pretending to ignore the pile of stuff that's been sitting here since March. Can't really muster up any enthusiasm to say "Happy new month!" because honestly, I'm just not feeling it today. Last month was rough, to say the least. Missed my language classes, skipped out on exercise, and couldn't even bring myself to update this blog weekly and it all started on the 10th of April.

April 10: That was a dark day for my family. Lost two aunties, both on the same day. The news hit hard, especially for my mom, who received the call at about 5: 30am about her sister passing away. Auntie Bee had been struggling with health issues, she could not wait for mom to come visit her, she said June (mom's visa interview) was too far away. April comes and she says she is finally feeling better but her health insurance dropped her so she needs to apply for a reinstatement. We don't know if she really was recovering or she just said that to make mom feel better. I could not help blaming myself for not getting a premium visa application agent. They're so expensive but maybe mom would have seen her older sister after 10 yrs apart. As we grappled with grief, another call came in (barely four hours later), about Dad's sister, Auntie Pepe, passing away too.

Auntie Pepe had battled through a stroke, I think from 2020, was in a coma for almost a year, woke up and was slowly regaining strength, giving us hope for the future. But life had other plans, and her sudden departure left us reeling. See prior to the stroke, Auntie Pepe was always hyperactive, always offering herself to help others... In 2017, I had to moved to new state and the plan to stay with my dad's cousin for a year but before then I crashing at a family friend's home. So one Saturday morning, I get a call, it's Auntie Pepe and she's says " I am currently in Port Harcourt, I came in to attend a wedding, your dad told me you were planning to move to T's place today so just wait, after the wedding, I'll come pick you up and then I'll take you to her place so you'll feel better about going there for the first time". That's the kind of person she was; everyone's concern is her business. In 2022, at my dad's 70th birthday party, we kinda sad joked about "if Auntie Pepe was here, she would be so everywhere organising stuff and making sure everything was good". Sad, but she was getting better and we thought this lively woman is going to catch a break and get her life back and then.... Yeah

April 20, it's Saturday morning and Mom is on a trip to another town to see her younger sister because someone has to go break the news that she lost her son to a senseless act of violence. He was murdered by two people who came into his home at night with bad intentions. Now we're dealing with corrupt cops demanding bribes to ensure justice adds insult to injury. It's a clear case, everybody knows who did it, they were caught but the victims family has to pay police work related bills, has to make regular trips out of town to answer questions concerning the case.... My blood has been boiling coz I know the police, if we don't cough up significant funds, the killer and his accomplice are going to walk free if they come up with enough funds for the cops to drop the case and saying that is so ridiculous but that's the kind of world I live in.

In rolls in May 1st, I'm filled with a sense of purpose to get back on track this month. Recently, I've been exploring crocheting coz I want to create live 3d versions of some of my little creatures, and today I managed to whip up a handy pouch to attach to my tablet. It's the perfect solution for storing my Apple pencil, especially after it took a tumble just two days ago and stopped working temporarily. Checking the price for a replacement left me stunned—I don't have $250 to spare right now.

7:42 pm on May 1st, my younger brother is getting ready to head out for the evening. Meanwhile, I'm comfortably sprawled out on the bed, catching up on messages. He walks into my room and I glance at my Nintendo Switch casually resting nearby because I don't want him to take my Switch along but me distracted I did not see him swiftly grab it and slipped out of the room. Merely five minutes later, he bursts back into the room, breathless and wide-eyed, exclaiming, "I just got robbed!" Instantly, I barrage him with questions: how, where, when? We reside close to the expressway, just a stone's throw from our home—he was by the road waiting for a ride into town. While waiting there, a motorcycle zips past, snatching his bag in the blink of an eye.

Now I always tell the brother, "dude your movement everyday is too predictable. The time you leave the house at night and when you return everyday, it's predictable". I'm won't be surprised he was targeted and those guys waited for him to come out. But if you have a little brother, who also is the last kid, then you'll know everything you say to them is ricochet. I'm like what was in the bag!? I already know the answer. His new phone and my switch. I'm stunned. Maybe the me of three years ago would have gotten mad but I knew this would happen only not the way it did, I was thinking more of 'I left it somewhere'. I told the brother two weeks ago not to take my switch out anymore coz he's always losing my stuff. And because I'm someone's lil sis, I complained to big sis about all my stuff, the little bro spoils or loses. That was three days ago through Instagram message, I hadn't even checked her response. It made last nights events a piece of dark humour.

But this morning when I woke up, I realised I had no energy or time to be sad. More than anything, I thanked God those thieves did not hurt my brother. I mean it could have been a worse story. I'll probably be the one to buy him that phone but not anytime soon coz maybe a lesson would be learned. I seriously doubt that.

So this is me, I'm going to be on a melancholy trip the coming days and this is the back story behind some of my art pieces

HINDSIGHT, TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME

I think it hurts more when you can look back and question why you did not act on your intuition, fast track the visa application, visit Auntie Pepe when I was last at Lagos, encourage the little bro to move into his own apartment(absolutely not, I'll rather have him where I can keep my eyes on him and what are big sisters for).

PATIENTLY BE